I always tell myself I’m going to do these big update things where I go through everything that has been going on with me, and finally post pictures from all the trips I’ve been on recently and all the “awesome” shit I’ve been up to, and my blog will finally be a completely updated and accurate recounting of my life… and then I realize what the heck that would actually entail and I just feel increasingly stressed about posting and anxious about making sure to update and overwhelmed by the amount of photo editing I have to do… and then I stop posting altogether. It’s a vicious cycle made worse by my unrealistic dreams and unfortunate personality traits. I also have ridiculously high expectations due to reading blogs by a bunch of professional bloggers who literally have made a career out of having awesome lives and writing about them everyday.. while meanwhile I am a full time student with 2 jobs and there is no way my blog could ever be as awesome as any of theirs are. Le sigh.
So that’s kind of what happened with my “spring break.” I feel like I kept saying that I would post pictures of this or that (seattle, catalina, etc) and then when I looked over the 200 pictures I had (of each trip!) and attempted to start editing them and choosing which select few I could put on the blog… I sort of had a mini freakout and procrastinated and avoided even looking at the blog altogether. Bad Loni!
Anyway, now I am back and I’m going to try to post more about what I am currently up to and less about past events/ trips, if that makes sense. Stop the endless cycle of trying to catch up with my life on the blog, and just post things that are interesting or exciting or cool either about my life or things that I find or see. I’m also going to attempt to focus my blog in on less subjects and really make it more interesting for actual readers. We’ll see.
But first I should at least give an update on the last month so we can get started on all of this current stuff (there I go again, already breaking my own resolutions). I guess I have been busy this month, but also I’ve just been focusing on graduating and getting work done and trying to stay present, you know? Whenever I get anxious about the future, I sort of stop living in the moment which is horrible, because I know when I graduate in 5 weeks (HOLY CRAP) and move into the real world and away from campus and all my beautiful friends I am going to freaking miss it. A lot.
So this quarter I have been studying and working hard, while still trying to see all my friends as much as possible. I have been looking for jobs for the summer and scouring craigslist for apartments that I may be able to afford (if I eat top ramen for dinner every night between now and graduation). I have been thinking a lot about grad school and having long talks with the boy about where we might want to live. I have been trying to create a bucket list of things to do in SD before I leave. I have been trying not to think about the fact that my friends are scattering around the world and I don’t know the next time we will all be together in one place again (someone better get married next year so we have an excuse!). Essentially, I have been attempting to live up the good life while I still can!
Basically, a lot of things in my life are winding down for me right now, and I’m trying to focus on the little bit of my life that is still here before everything suddenly changes. It’s hard not to think constantly about all the new things that are about to happen, but I am attempting it.